Is Your Spouse Non Supportive or Is Your Spouse Simply Confused
November 7, 2019
By Ree "CoachRee" Williams
When I decided I was going to take my jump and become a full-time business owner, it was nothing pretty nor planned. I was catapulted into full-time business ownership out of built up frustration. I had uttered, "Oh no he didn't!", one time to many after having a dreaded conversation with my in-ept supervisor. I had simply boiled over into being totally fed up!!!
When I decided to quit my job and ultimately become a full time business owner, I made that decision in the middle of the 805 North freeway in San Diego! I called my husband on the phone, he answered and before he could get his greeting out good, I screamed, "Honey, I can't take this job anymore; I'm quitting...it's time for me to give my business my all!"
My husband, in his usual loving and supportive way simply said, "Come home, we'll figure this thing out together, but you know I got you and I'm behind whatever it is you want to do."
I was in. This was my time. It was time for me to hang up corporate America and go for it. I had been dabbling in my business, treating it like a side piece. I was making money, but I wasn't giving it my all, not by a long shot. I was receiving a pretty hefty paycheck from my job, but now, now was my chance to have at it -- now was my chance to go for it -- now was my chance, my opportunity to go for what I wanted. Now was the time to be my own boss! The icing on the cake...my husband was all in; he was by my side.
But that's my story and sadly, that is not the story that is the norm. Too often married women entrepreneurs are single when it comes to their businesses.
So what's the problem?
Could it be that your husband really does not want you to succeed?
Why is your biggest obstacle your husband?
Is your husband really non supportive of your entrepreneurial dreams or is it something else?
Before you declare all out "I am woman; hear me roar!" war on your husband, check out this list of things to take into consideration:
1. Is your husband non supportive or is he just confused?: Be honest about what you do and what you're showing your husband. Could it be that what you're calling non support is really confusion? Sometimes, in our quest for success, what we are exhibiting to others looks like one big mess!! For example: If you are jumping on every "next biggest and best" thing every few months, your husband may be just plain tired, waiting for you to finally decide to stick with something. Look it from the outside looking in...if you have been a rep for Mary Kay, Tupperware, TLC, Scentsy, Plexus, Younique and Usborne Books, all in the span of one or two years, your husband may not be non supportive, he may simply be confused and a bit irriatated.
2. Did you forget to include your husband?: We know that becoming our own boss can be a very exciting time. In all of our excitement, it can be easy to forget that while we are aware of what we're doing, our husbands may not be. One thing I did with my husband, I asked him to be my business wingman. I wanted my husband to be with me every step of the way; where I went, he went. In addition, I discussed my business with my husband. I wanted him to find his own excitement in my business and I didn't want to take for granted that he should be just as excited as I was, just because he was my husband. So, do not overlook the opportunity to discuss with your husband your ideas, plans and goals. Let your husband see how serious you are; let that show in how committed you are to that which you claim you are passionate about. Allow your husband to learn and grow right along with you. Be fair...you can't label someone as non supportive if they have no idea what's really happening around them.
3. Are you doing way too much?: Being a business owner does not mean that you have to be at every networking event and/or small business event. Select the events that make sense to the development and growth of your business. Be fair to your husband. While you've been home all day, working from the comfort of your home, your husband has been out of the home working; looking forward to coming home and looking forward to spending time time with you. Sometimes, just being at home is just what cupid has ordered. Avoid "getting out of the house" to attend glorified "chit chat" sessions with other women entrepreneurs that mean absolutely nothing to your business bottom-line. Scheduled the events that you will attend and if possible, include your husband.
4. Money Concerns!: Business startup can mean a substantial up front financial investment, especially for those who sign on to join MLMs (Multi Level Marketing). Do not take for granted that you can spend money just because you are starting a business. Be mindful that the money you are wanting to spend does not give cause for your husband to feel a bit uneasy. While you may feel your husband is non supportive, he may be concerned that money is going out and no money is coming back in to replace the money spent. As with every aspect of business, make a plan, prioritize and set goals...and again, include your husband.
5. Dump the Frump: Are you paying less attention to your appearance and too much to your business? Starting a business can mean you working on your business, night and day. However, starting a business is no reason your husband has to come home from a long days work, only to lay eyes on a wife who hasn't showered or who just decided to put on over-sized sweats, with hair all over your head or in a messy bun. Plan your day. Be considerate. Try taking a shower, getting dressed and combing your hair first thing in the morning -- it may not hurt to spruce up the usual every now and then. What may look like non support again could be a non communicative side order of frustration.
6. Hell yeah, make sure he gets good lovin' and good cooking!: Yeah, it may sound old fashioned, but if you are home all day, there's no reason why your husband should not be able to get home cooked meals and regular lovin'!!! Being your own boss must come with knowing how to balance business and time for hubby. Perhaps your husband is feeling like a third wheel. Take time to make sure your husband is feeling the same love and attention that you are giving to your new baby -- your business! It can be easy to get caught up working 10-15 hours a day, only taking breaks to give hubby a quick peck on the cheek or making that quick call asking him to "pick up dinner" on his way home. While picking up dinner may be a necessity some of the time, do not allow it to become the norm. Always add meal prep time and time with hubby/family into you day...your business will be A-OK!!
Go ahead, start your businesses, take control of your destiny -- usher in the happiness and peace of mind that you desire and deserve. But do not get selfish. Starting a business does not mean you, the wife (and/or mom) become an island onto yourself. It means that you open up about your business and what it is going to take for you to start, build and grow your business to the level of success you desire. Do not leave your husband out. No matter how many people support you on the outside, not having the support of your mate can be a blocker or permanent obstacle.
Good luck in your business! ReeMarkable Her! is rooting for you!